It’s hard for me to write this for a lot of reasons. Some of
that is coming from my grief over a betrayal, but most is coming from fear. The
reality is I could not say this publicly without suffering both personally and
professionally. Women who speak out online are often threatened with sexual and
other violence and retaliation (that is a story in itself) and I am not strong
enough to open myself up for that.
I'm trying to be direct with you because women are talking about this amongst us. I've leaned that healthy relationships depend upon open communication, and that I need to communicate my needs using “I” statements. I feel like we are in relationship...at least I used to.
I'm trying to be direct with you because women are talking about this amongst us. I've leaned that healthy relationships depend upon open communication, and that I need to communicate my needs using “I” statements. I feel like we are in relationship...at least I used to.
So here is a list of my needs:
1) I need men and boys and folks across the gender spectrum engaged in a good faith effort to create safe and just individuals, families and communities.
2) I need men to examine their activities and efforts thru a lens that respects women and the lived experiences of women and girls.
3) I need you to know that if you understood my lived experience, your goal would not be to create a world without sexual and relationship violence. My experience of sexual violence is not about those terrifying moments. Those moments just confirmed what I already knew-- I am not safe in this world, my physical and emotional integrity have very little value. Those things have little value because of, not in spite of, the fact that women and girls have little value in this system.
1) I need men and boys and folks across the gender spectrum engaged in a good faith effort to create safe and just individuals, families and communities.
2) I need men to examine their activities and efforts thru a lens that respects women and the lived experiences of women and girls.
3) I need you to know that if you understood my lived experience, your goal would not be to create a world without sexual and relationship violence. My experience of sexual violence is not about those terrifying moments. Those moments just confirmed what I already knew-- I am not safe in this world, my physical and emotional integrity have very little value. Those things have little value because of, not in spite of, the fact that women and girls have little value in this system.
4) I need you to know that the personal is political. When you depoliticize the violence committed against me you are denying me the world I need and deserve, which is world without the conditions that facilitate sexual violence. The violence is but one tool of oppression--a tool that uses women's bodies, minds and spirits as a means to bolster men and structures of power.
6) I mostly need you to focus on how you may be more accountable to
women and girls, because you are falling woefully short right now.
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